Things I have not done in more than a month:

1. Drunk more than 2 beers in a row.
2. Read a non-electronic book.
3. Listened to my music library.
4. Read a magazine.
5. Been home alone.
6. Been naked for more than 10 mins.
7. Cooked anything.
8. Eaten salmon
9. Had the Internet at home.
10. Read an audiobook.

Since these are my favorite things ever, this is sad. Soon these will be rectified, but in the meantime, in the words of Morrissey, if I seem a little strange, well that’s because I am.

Sent to me by Richard, this is well worth a look if you are a Chicago lover.

Author: Hefner, Hugh

The Mole has always been one of my favorite reality tv shows.  The first season had Anderson Cooper, and that itself would be good enough.  But it’s also the thinking man’s (or lying man’s) reality tv show.   Basically, someone on the show is working for the show to try and fake out the other people.  The viewer doesn’t know who the mole is.  The second season was “Celebrity Mole” with Kathy Griffin and Stephen Baldwin.  Brilliant.  I haven’t seen Seasons 3 or 4.

This season kind of sucks.  There’s really only one guy I like.  There was an awesome whiner who almost died anytime they had to do anything physical because he was malnourished and asthmatic.  But there is one good character I love/hate.  The faux Omarosa.  The bitchy character is a Chicago OB/GYN who won my heart on the first episode when someone told her she had to do something and her reply was, “All I have to do is stay black and die!”

I would not usually write about The Mole.  But here’s the odd thing.  Every episode, The Bitch character wears at least two different outfits that are emblazoned with UIUC insignias.  Who on earth has that many different pieces of college clothing!?  Though it is irrational, it totally makes me think she is the mole, and being paid by UIUC.  She’s not really giving UIUC a great reputation, unless their new ad campaign is, “The undergraduate institution which turns out spoiled brats who make a lot of money.”  Hmm that is somewhat true though I don’t know that they’d sing that from the hills.

My mom:

“You are not effing up your life, or I will kick your ass. I will. Do you feel guilty? You better not! Or I will kick your ass! I will!”

I think I need to sell merch with this new mom catchphrase, “I will kick your ass! I will!”

“There’s no such thing as a perfect man.  You should just stay single.  It’s very hard for two people to live together.  And then a baby comes and the men get crazy because they don’t get attention.”

I will be in Chicago May 21-27.  Sadly it is not for IML but for a parent health update.

So I will probably be doing little outside of the Belmont/Cumberland area, but I will be oppressively bored and unhappy!  So local bars are definitely a good option.  I will be back briefly in Sept. too.

Those of you in Central IL, and possibly KY and TN will get a jennyvisit in Sept.  Details to follow.

From Genie, an interesting story, with a more amazing quotation:

“It’s unfortunate that anyone whose name ends in a vowel is connected with organized crime,” Onesto said at the court hearing.

By which I think he MEANS to say it’s unfortunate that people THINK that, not that people whose last name end in vowels actually ARE in the mob.  Or at least I hope.

though maybe not in the way I would have liked.

While looking for a news story about a cougar found roaming the streets of Chicago, I was suprised to find the high number of websites for “cougar hunting.”  Apparently some people consider women “cougars” when they are only 34!  That seems young to me, though another definition was “anyone more than 7 years your age.”  Frightening.  Go find out where urban cougars hang out in your city here.

I love drastic double meanings in language.  Keeps me amused on the internet, and in business.  Amen!

My brother is shaving his head for children’s cancer. Whether this will improve his haircut or not, I cannot say, but if you would like to donate click here.

I am leaving tomorrow for my annual Internet Unplugging! My dad doesn’t even have a computer, let alone internet, and he lives in a building full of old people without the internet, and old people who have kids who know enough about the internet to close their network. Harumph. Email/blogging will be intermittent at best (when Panera Bread is found), but hopefully I will get a few book reviews out before the end of the year!  I have reserved the flight time for the Helvetica documentary and the Black Sheep horror film!
Have a happy holiday, and a good new year.  Say hello to the family, eat well, finish up that shopping, and start resolving!  If you are in the Chicagoland area, call me!  Or send smoke signals.

For those of you who are allergic, this is a very interesting ranking of the Top 100 worst places for people with seasonal allergies.  When moving to a new place most people don’t think about this aspect, so it’s interesting.  I think it’s a little bunk, since I would assume rural areas would be worse than cities (i.e. if, like me, you are allergic to hay or corn pollen) but none are listed…that makes no sense.  I thought it would be more regionally clustered, but it really isn’t.
I think a lot is made of food allergies and seasonal allergies, but not much for those of us that have constant allergies.  For example, it would be great to know the cities that had the least number of trees, pollution, and animal ownership.  I don’t know how you’d measure it, but I’d like to know the places that least allow animals in public buildings.  I can’t really shop somewhere that does because even if I can take being in the store itself, I don’t want to bring tainted goods back home!

Today I met my new allergist.  He is very hilarious.  Apparently he also does comedy.  And he went to high school with Woody Allen, now making me TWO degrees from Woody!  Woo!

In addition to my usual allergies, he tested me for food allergies.  I had never been tested for those.  Apparently I am minorly allergic to shellfish.  This is so minor he said I can go on eating it, which is good because shellfish is definitely in my top 5 favorite things to eat.  The food I am most allergic to, tho again, not seriously enough to give up, is canteloupe.

Canteloupe is, to my mind, one of the worst foods ever.  I cannot imagine why people like this fruit.  I have always found it repulsive.  In fact, recently, I tried some in an effort to see if I still find it disgusting.  Oh, and I do.  That whole canteloupe and proscuttio thing?  What a good way to ruin ham.

So I would think it was this allergy that has made me hate canteloupe my whole life, but I love the shellfish so much.  It’s interesting that it happened on foods I have such diametrically opposed feelings about.

Other than that, my trip was mainly (though not wholly) painless.  And I was rightly chastised for going without asthma meds for so long.  And for being a librarian.  Although the allergist did salute my choice to be a digital librarian and not deal with dusty books.  Finally, he thought I was mainly allergic to Illinois and applauded my move. And then he said he’d be my dope pusher.  No, literally, that’s what’s he said.
So I am back on the shots!

I knew there was a reason I saved this shirt for 22 years….in 1984, for Halloween, I went as Jim McMahon

Every boy in my class pretty much dressed as a Chicago Bear too, but I was the only girl. The beginning in a long line of that experience.

Sadly I will have to weather this game without Old Style.

If you pretend you are getting married, people you don’t know will give you money, buy you drinks, and gerenally become your new best friend forever.  also, oddly, even fratty boys become very sweet.  and bouncers bend rules.

best. scam. ever.

drink and walmart shop.

this is how you end up with a sequinned cowboy hat.

There are people who think of drinking to excess as something rockstars do in large cities.

Those people have never been to Central IL. Where I live in a large enough city to get harrassed when we play country on the jukebox. Patronize me all you want for living in the middle of nowhere, but if I cannot sing along to “Family Tradition” without getting mocked, then it’s pretty much a city, in my opinion.

If there’s one thing that feels Champaign to me, it’s drinking far too much cheaply on a weeknight.