Things I have not done in more than a month:

1. Drunk more than 2 beers in a row.
2. Read a non-electronic book.
3. Listened to my music library.
4. Read a magazine.
5. Been home alone.
6. Been naked for more than 10 mins.
7. Cooked anything.
8. Eaten salmon
9. Had the Internet at home.
10. Read an audiobook.

Since these are my favorite things ever, this is sad. Soon these will be rectified, but in the meantime, in the words of Morrissey, if I seem a little strange, well that’s because I am.

So, I like country music, especially the more gospelly inspired old tymey music. But a major problem with liking this music (for me) is it’s mainly about one guy.  Jesus.  And I am not Christian.  But I am hard pressed to not sing along to fire and brimstone song about how the time is coming when the sinner must die.  It’s kind of like white rich frat boys singing “Straight Out of Compton,” I guess.

So anyway there’s an excellent Porter Wagoner song called “What Would You Do (If Jesus Came to Your House)?”  Basically he asks you if you’d have to hide your smut mags and if your dirty family would have nothing to talk about at the dinner table.  This doesn’t really apply to me, as I am pretty sure that if Jesus came to my house 1. he already knows what I am like, 2. he’d forgive me for anything anyway, and 3. Uh hey Jesus, this is my house we play by my rules or you get yourself a hotel, mmmkay?  Plus it would seem like more pressing Second Coming matters might be at hand.  I’ve read Left Behind, I know the drill.  In fact, I would totally recommend Jesus come to my house.  He seems like a cool guy, and I’d never have to buy booze.  I think we’d get along and I know a ton about the Rapture.

Anyway today as I was getting in my shower which I really have to clean, my first thought was, “If Jesus came to spend some time with me I would totally have to clean my shower.  It’d be gross to leave it this way for any houseguest.”  However in retrospect Jesus would probably be excited about modern plumbing in general and would not care about my shower.  Plus he has bigger fish to fry.  Still, Jesus is a good impetus for cleaning my house.

If you have been to my house you know I always have too many magazines. Magazines everywhere! That’s why when Li-Shen sent me this way of making tables out of magazines I was very happy! Now I just have to read a few and bam, instant table.

on the way to my house, a much overdue new bed.

I need a new alarm clock. I have devised some requirements (because I can’t do anything without making a hierarchical list). My requirements seem to be not in jive with other people’s alarm clock needs (namely, loud and lots of buttons and snooze options). If you are personally in love with your alarm clock or know of one that fits my requirements, please share.

In order of importance:

1. durable–can be dropped on the floor a lot (I am uncoordinated when awake, even more so when asleep)
2. no more than a few buttons
3. preferably has a non-annoying way of waking you up (music, light, chimey)
4. not large or ugly; colorful
5. not battery operated
6. under 50 bucks

I am not a super heavy sleeper and I don’t use the snooze button. I don’t need a lot of gizmos or even the radio really. My frontrunners include (in no order):
Read the entire entry …

I just bought this:

Here’s the unadulterated view from my roof this afternoon:

tangibly:

The mover sounded surprised to hear that I am fully packed and have so little stuff.

striving towards buddhist nirvana,

~J

I am officially without a bed. I now own one piece of furniture. An awesome blue end table:

People generally say I am a light packer. I never feel that way, but if you move a lot, then I guess every little bit seems like a lot. Places I have lived:

• 2-flat in Park Ridge, IL (dad, mom, sibs, uncle, aunt, cousin) ages 0-5
• Random apartments with mom in Chicago, Elmwood Park, Rolling Meadows, Mt. Prospect, IL: 5-18?
• 12-Flat in River Forest, IL (dad and uncle) 5-16
• 2 bdrm ranch house in Elmwood Park, IL 16-19
• 3rd Floor MacNaughton Dorm, Portland, 18-19
• dad’s house, Elmwood Park, IL 19
• Reed College Apartments, Portland, 19-20
• dad’s house 20
• Reed Russian House, Portland, 20
• 3rd Floor Bragdon Dorm, Portland, 20-21
• Reed College Apts., Portland, 21
• Quincy ODB Dorm, 3rd Floor, Portland, 21-22
• house, Stark and 20th, Portland, 22-23
• odd apt. 31st and Morrison, Portland, 23-24
• house, 37th and Lexington, Portland, 24-25
• condo, 6th flr, River Grove, IL 25

Champaign-Urbana

• 2 bdrm apt. with cool roommate, 1st and Healey, Champaign, IL
• Slum women’s house with 9 roommates, Green and Coler, Urbana, IL
• Awesome schoolhouse 1 bdrm at Randolph and Healey, Champaign, IL
• Interim sublet 1 bdrm at Country Fair, Champaign, IL

That means, not counting my mom’s various moves I will be moving for the 19th time.  Yay.  This is probably why at 27 I own one piece of furniture.

I had already noticed my neighbor was an early riser.  He gets up about an hour earlier than I and showers extensively,  But apparently on the weekends, he enjoys getting up early (9AM) as well and listening to a weird combo of diva house and angry pop rap/r&b.  It’s sort of like living underneath WGCI.
All you can hear is the bass and drum machine because of the bad speakers. If I can tell you have bad speakers from another apartment 1. you have really bad speakers, 2. you are playing your music too loud, 3. perhaps you used to have good speakers, but your bad slow jamz played at 11 killed them.  Who needs slow jamz at 9am on Saturday?  While I applaud your early rising, please, quit with the bassy speakers!

I spoke to a neighbor who previously has always given me dirty looks in the hallway and seemed unfriendly.  But oh boy did we bond over the crazy landlord.  Her quote: “He doesn’t respect you unless you hang up on him at least a few times.”  Also, people have been leaving stuff that is good (ie not trash) in the hallway for people to pick up if they want.  It’s been going pretty well.  But there’s now a crazy note mentioning the police will be called if it continues.  When did leaving free stuff for your neighbors become illegal?  What might you get charged with?  Having good garbage?

I hate the Man.

You know it’s too hot out, and you’ve been packing alone too long when you yell “No Roomba!  No UHOH!” at an inanimate object.  Well maybe a semi-animate object.

I swear my Roomba, starved for attention, hides under the bed and screams “Uh-OH!” only to have me climb under there and have there be no problem.  People, it is frightening the lifelike pet nature of my roomba.  It used to be a joke, and it is now just frightening.

I think becoming a landlord is to the sanity like turning 30 in Logan’s Run.  90% of all landlords anyone I have ever known people to have are complete and utter crazy people.  Why, all of a sudden, when people buy land to rent, do they turn batshit crazy?  And
how do the other 10% survive the crazy?

This is all prompted by the fact that I am moving to a new apartment here in Champaign.  And I called my landlord (1 of 2) to ask if/when/where he wants his keys back, as there has been no communication about it thus far, even though I am moving TUESDAY.  So I mentioned the date 2 said I could move out on.  And my landlord 1 started screaming at me and hung up on me.  He wants me to move out the day before.  Bummer, that ain’t going to happen.  I get that might be an issue, but dude, chill out and we can talk about it.  Perhaps the new people can move in while I move out?  I would have offered had he not gone crazy, yelled, and hung up on me AGAIN the second time I called.
Holy crap, man, you are retired and your only gig is running an apartment building.  I get that this might be the highest stress time of the year for that as all of our leases expire, but I don’t think repeatedly rudely hanging up on me is the way to go.
The ridiculous part is, I still don’t know where to drop off my keys.  If this man is so concerned about the new tenants, you’d think that would be a central fact he would want me to know.  Guess not.