Which is why today I bawled when I realized that my dad would never forget my birthday again.

I realized it would take a long time to feel better about my dad dying because I loved a lot of things about him; I never realized that the shitty things would also continue to make me feel bad.

Really,

“I was just trying to help her up!”

“With your…penis?”

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“that’s because i kicked her in between her whoring legs!”

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“You shook that baby!  You shook that baby!  You shook that baby!  You shook that baby, Drew, and then you got your rocks off!” (Shaken Baby Syndrome)

“Find the hand, find the perp.”

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“Well somebody touched Megan Rose with a cheese grater!” (foster kids)

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“So she buys him breakfast and he rapes her for lunch.”

Now that I finally have, I do love it, much like everyone else.  So I started watching it in order–from season 1.  I am currently watching the SVU one, which is wall to wall assault on women & children.  It’s odd that there’s a show revolving around sexual assault but that means people say hilarious things on the show extremely seriously.  Things that in any other contexts would not fly on tv are said completely in passing on the show.  So I am beginning a new series.  Wacky Shit Said on SVU (followed by the weird sex act theme of the episode). Today’s are:

Never trust a woman with a pulse (sex with women in comas)

She’s hot but schoolgirls aren’t my scene. (pedophilia)

Why would I mess with jailbait when I can get it with her moms? (pedophilia)

Your little tadpoles swam in all by themselves. (pedophilia)

My favorites are Om on the Range and Self Centered Yoga.

• The Website — naprilimo.tumblr.com– will include updates
• The Twitter Feed — twitter.com/naprilimo
• The Facebook Event — for joiners
• The Email address –  naprilimo at gmail in case you want direct contact
• The Blip station — blip.fm/naprilimo i’ll hope to post a prince gem of the day
• My Last.FM station — Check up on me & keep me honest!

Perhaps you want to buy a pool, a trampoline, a bouncy castle, and a chainsaw. Perhaps you need live plants for your “hydroponics” project or rum flavored shampoo.  Or maybe you want someone to come clean your ducts without ever having to speak to another human.  Or you could get this sweet USSR flag patch (though, comrade, if you need to buy a patch to show you are hep to the cause, perhaps purchasing it on the largest capitalist websites on earth, perhaps you are misguided. though I will surely not stop you.)  I am categorizing all these things so you can purchase pretty much anything on sears.com.

Now I am going to buy balls and an inflatable hot tub so I can make a ball pit!

19 non-fiction/79% (47 last year/-1% last year)

5 fiction/21% (12 last year/+1% from last year)

10 audio/42%  (16 last year/+15% from last year)

My commute drastically shrunk this year.  Not only do I live about 40 mins closer to work, I work from home 2 days a week and half my commute has internet access.  I think there’s no doubt that my iPhone has put a MAJOR dent in this list–in good and bad ways.  All of my audiobooks were listened to on my iPhone, as the train in Chicago is quiet enough to listen to audiobooks on (NYC was not).  But clearly all my email checking and music listening in the morning made me less likely to read.  I can’t even say I’ve been spending my time reading magazines–I have totally fallen down on reading.  The Chicago Public Library has also contributed to this drop off.  In short, it’s awful. Their byzantine policies and ridiculous fining structure (if you have even a 1 cent fine you cannot use online resources, e-books, or renew anything) very much contributed to me never using their e-audiobooks, which was a large number of the books I read last year.

Biggest surprise: The Long Hard Road Out of Hell by Marilyn Manson It was pretty witty!

This year was great and awful.  Maybe it’s just an odd coincidence but a ton of people I know seemed to have a lot more horrible things happen to them this year than ever before.  So 2010 can’t come fast enough for me!

This year was very extreme.  I moved to a place I didn’t like and never wanted to live in again where I felt pretty alone.  I left a place with an apt. I loved and lots of friends I hated leaving.  I quit a secure job that sounded very impressive for the world of contracting in the middle of a tanking economy.  I spent the first time of my life as an adult in the same city as my family.  I delivered inexcusably crappy work (for the first time ever) to a freelance client I loved because of a crazy stress freakout.  I took care of an elderly ailing person.  I saw the person who raised me (and the last person other than me born with my last name) die and had to deal with (and continue to deal with) the aftermath pretty much alone.

On the plus side, I discovered a new subset of my field that I loved, and got a great job doing it with people I really like in a non-toxic environment.  I work with a partner who I could not trust or agree with more.  I spoke at conferences and taught classes in my field.  I was surrounded by people professionally who encouraged my development rather than some of the discouraging experiences I have had in the past.  For the most part, professionally, this year rocked, especially as I came into it pretty doubtfully.  I still feel like there’s not a huge group of people I can talk to professionally–there’s not really a conference or group I’ve yet felt fills this need.  I guess that’s a goal for next year.

Despite the long view of this being a positive year, I can’t say I am ending it as the happiest person ever. I couldn’t be happier to bury 2009. But, I don’t have any regrets for what I did in 2009, and that’s much more than I thought I could ask for going into it.

So happy & healthy new year everybody!